If you think marriage is perfectly peachy ALL the time, here’s a reality check for ya – it’s not. Some of the first arguments my husband and I had as a married couple were over house decorations. He wanted dark curtains, I wanted light. He wanted a black comforter, I wanted white. He wanted to save our gift cards, I wanted to spend them. Needless to say, we eventually learned how to compromise (to some extent – we’re still learning).
We realized that we have two different outlooks on house decorations – he views them as “whatever is comfortable,” and I view them as “bringing the home together”. He just wanted our house to do its job – to be the place where we eat and sleep, but I wanted it to be homey, welcoming, and inviting. We realized that he thinks logically, and I think emotionally.
The other day we were on the phone, and my husband asked me the simplest question about what I was doing. I responded, and he asked me what seemed to be the same question again, so I responded with the same answer. We probably repeated ourselves four times before we eventually hung up slightly annoyed. Later that day we brought up that conversation, and we realized that I had heard a COMPLETELY different question through the phone than what he meant to ask, and he had heard a COMPLETELY different answer than what I meant to give.
When people say, “there are two sides to every story,” they’re absolutely right, especially when it comes to marriage. Both of these situations are prime examples of how men and women see and hear differently, and that’s completely okay.
Women see and hear pink, and men see and hear blue.
It’s just a fact. My husband and I read about this in the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs (which I also mentioned in this post). The author emphasizes that men have blue glasses and blue hearing aids, and women have pink – meaning we can see or hear the exact same thing, but have opposite interpretations. He also pointed out the fact that men think logically, and women think emotionally. I guess God just decided to hardwire our brains to work in dissimilar ways, and that’s okay too. Honestly, sometimes I do need a good logical, fact-filled, slap in the face response (metaphorically of course), and sometimes my husband needs to hear a sympathetically, intuitively, or emotionally driven response. So why am I telling you this?
“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” – James 1:19
Think about it – if everyone practiced these perfectly, arguments probably wouldn’t exist at all. Since any type of relationship between two people requires communication, we should put forth extra effort to heed to the following steps: 1) acknowledge and accept the reality that you think and interpret things differently, 2) show grace and forgiveness when either one of y’all is lacking in one of the three areas the author of James points out, and 3) work on communicating in the other person’s language.
With almost 9 months under our belts, my husband and I are far from experts on marriage, but this is just a tidbit of what we have learned about each other so far. We hope that this will help to strengthen your relationships as well!